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From my wife, in honor of Autism Awareness Month.
Four things parenting a child with autism has taught me:
Today is World Autism Awareness Day. Let's take a moment to see things a little differently.
File this under Stupid Things People Say
Yesterday my wife hosted a playdate with a couple of neighborhood kids and their nanny. It wasn't all fun and games: my wife felt the nanny's eyes on her as she changed C's diaper (yes, he still wears diapers), and when she was comforting him when he bit his lip (sometimes small things really set him off, while bigger things do not).
The nanny also asked probing questions: does C ever play with other children? (Well, yes, his brother.) Does he speak much? (When he's comfortable, you can't stop him from talking!) Did we do genetic testing when we were pregnant? (Uh…)
But the best was this little gem: "And you love him? You really love him?"
My wife, nearly dumbstruck, answered simply, "Yes, I love him."
To which the nanny, reflective, replied, "I don't know if I could. I think I would just cry all the time."
Sigh.
This is the same nanny who often remarks how sweet C's twin brother is. It's true: M is happy, polite, and enthusiastic. He's genuinely appreciative of the littlest things. Maybe this is what happens when you love a brother whose magnificence seems small to others.
//
When the evaluator finished telling us that, yes, C definitely had autism, I asked what this meant for his future. She sighed, said that was a common question, and then offered us the best advice we've received so far: "Don't try to predict where your son will be in ten years, one year, or even a month. No one knows, and anyone who tells you they do is lying. These kids can surprise us, both for the better and the worse."
Seems a million years ago that we received this pearl of wisdom, but lately I've needed to remind myself of it a little more than usual. It helps me get through particularly trying moments, those moments when I wonder, "Will it be this way forever?" or, "What will become of my son?"
No one knows, and there's a sort of paradoxical peace to be found in that mystery.
For my regular readers, I apologize for the shortage of posts lately. A lot is happening in life at the moment, most of it great, one thing bad (more on that in the near future), in addition to the usual craziness.
In the good column, C is making tremendous progress. He's beginning to speak in full, articulated sentences; he's expressing emotions (and deep affection) often; his sense of humor is boundless; he's still off oxygen; and he's more connected and present than ever.
On top of all that, I've noted a real sense of wonder about him lately; he seems genuinely curious about the world around him...not just obsessions and repetitions, but more.
I'm full of hope these days.
PS Here's an absolutely hilarious and genius post where B's dad asks the question, "Can you learn everything you need to know about my autistic son from a Slush Puppy drink?" Spoiler: the answer is yes.